moving on...

Sounds so easy, doesn't it? Then why is it so hard? I can't stand feeling like this and I wish I could just turn back time and forget about everything that happened. I can't be upset that it's over though. Like that saying goes, "Don't be sad that it's over. Smile because it happened." I do smile. Trust me, I do all the time. But it's usually a forced smile, that I have habitually plastered on my face for the benefit of others so they don't have to see me down all the time. However, as soon as I'm alone, I put the smile away and put on the most depressing, country love songs about break ups and moving on. I guess I like to torture myself, in that way. Then, as soon as he comes over, the smile returns. But this time, it's genuine. I can literally feel it lighting up my face. And everyone can notice that, which is something I can't hide. It's almost embarrassing because I shouldn't feel that way. He hurt me, he broke me so bad. I'm still broken. I tell myself over, and over to stop this game and walk away. I just can't. I can't pull myself away from him. He's the one thing, the one person who finally made me happy again. So incredibly happy that I relied on it everyday. He didn't even have to do anything. Just his presence was enough to make my day. Oh, that sounds so horrible. When did I give in this easily? I guess I just fell too fast, too hard and he didn't. Apparently he didn't because he loved his ex the whole time. He never stopped loving her. Do you know what that feels like? To have the one person you love tell you, straight to your face, that they always had feelings for someone else? It's literally like a slap in the face. He left her for me, and then turned around and did the same thing to me and went back to her. I should've known that would happen eventually. I was just blinded by everything he gave me. Now, I'm finally starting to see the real him. And it's extremely disappointing. He was once my everything and now she has it all in her hands. I hope she knows how to handle all of that after everything he put both of us thru. But she can have him, and I'll have my pride. Guess this moving on thing will happen one day...and I can look back at all of this and smile. I may have lost a good thing, but I also let my heart go. Destroyed, shattered on the dirty floor. He didn't even have the decency to pick up the pieces, wash them off and hand them back to me when he left. In a way, I'm thankful that he didn't. I've learned to do it on my own, little by little, and it's made me a stronger person. Now, if I can just let go of his heart. It belongs to her now...